Simple, Haunted Kind of Life
by Cereza1
Summary: What is life like after the Reapers for Kaidan and Shepard? Where does life take them? (Rated M for later chapters. First several chapters are clean)
1. Chapter 1

She smiled as she ran her fingers through her tousled red hair. This trip was not only a long time coming, but well deserved. Kaidan Alenko had been a part of her crew for years, they had been through more together in that short time than most couples do in a lifetime. Now, finally, they got some rest. She wasn't sure what Kaidan had planned, all she knew was that it was getting her off the citadel for the first time in a long time.

"_Whattya think, Spence? You, me, few days away? Don't get me wrong, I love the apartment and all, but we deserve to get away some time, don't we?"_

_Spencer sighed, "I know, I know. I just…" she paused. She knew she couldn't keep punishing herself. Just like she knew that would be Kaidan's next argument._

"_C'mon, you know he's want you to get out of here. He wouldn't want you punishing yourself," Kaidan pleaded with his big brown eyes._

_Spencer smiled to herself, she knew him too well. She also knew that he was right. She did her best to pretend. To wear the smile. To call her battle defeating the Reapers a victory. She could lie to the press, to her adoring fans (even though that was something she was sure she'd never get used to), she could even lie to the council. Her crew though? Kaidan? Herself? They were never fooled. Spencer didn't consider it a victory because when it came down to it, all facts aside, she had lost a man. A great man, a man of honor and the person that she looked up to. David Anderson. The one man who had never let her down, not once, she had let down. Commander Shepard? Spectre Shepard? It was hard to find meaning in those titles anymore. Where she found her meaning now was right here, in those big brown eyes that were looking at her. Begging her to agree. It was because of him that she could put all of those awful feelings away. He was her sanity, her anchor. Her love._

_Her expression softened into a small smile as she shook her head, chuckling slightly, "when you're right, you're right. Whatever you want, Mr. Alenko"_

_The look of pure joy in Kaidan's eyes made her heart swell. He lifed her chin up with two of his fingers and kissed her. _

"_I love you so damn much. We're going to have a great time, I promise"_

"_I love you, too. So are you gonna sit there and stare at me, or tell me where we're going?" She never thought she'd find anyone to say those words to. She couldn't believe she had found Kaidan._

"_Well, you see, that's a secret. Much more fun that way."_

"_If you say so." _

_She hated secrets._

It had been a little over a week since Kaidan had brought up the idea of going away and now the day was here. Despite all reservations she had had. Spencer found herself excited. Excited to get out of her apartment. Excited to do something new. Excited to spend some alone time with Kaidan. Just because they were living together now didn't necessarily mean they saw much of each other. At least not like before, they were both spectres now, they spent a lot of time working. In the time since the Reaper attacks Spencer had become almost like a figurehead for the Spectres, almost like she was the face of it now. This lead her to taking local jobs and spend time doing interviews and such; things that kept her on the citadel. She would pretend to hate it, to miss flying around the galaxies, but deep down she was actually kind of relieved. Kaidan was constantly being sent around the universe on cases, it was never too long, but he was away more than she'd like. Of course, she'd never tell him that, so when he was away she'd spent time with Garrus at the bar, or Liara on the Presidium, maybe Jack at the arena, James at the gym or sometimes Tali would come over and they'd drink Turian brandy and watch girly vids. Emergency induction port included. That was the joy of not losing touch with the ones she loved. She had spent years feeling alone, with not very many friends, but now she had a family.

That's not to say that they didn't get to spend time together. When he was home they'd make dinner together each night, or have game nights with Edi and Joker, they'd relax in the hot tub or spend a few hours testing out each others biotics. Whatever they could to be with each other. For the longest time, Spencer just couldn't quite figure out how Kaidan had time for all of this. How he managed to be away for days, even weeks, at a time, spend all this time with her and friends, and still spend each night with her in bed. Until one night, it must have been four in the morning, she awoke with a start. Maybe a noise caught her attention, maybe another nightmare, she wasn't quite sure. When she rolled over, expecting to curl into what she called her "biotic teddy bear", she found she was alone in bed. Thrown, she grabbed her silk robe off of the headboard post and crept out of the room in search of her man. This is the night she found him, hunched over a pile of paperwork, all with a familiar spectre logo on it, a steaming cup of coffee kept close. He was struggling to finish the work, trying to stay awake. How long had this been going on for? In this light she was able to see the bags under his eyes, his hair was a mess, obviously from being in bed with her to begin with. She found herself wondering if he was having the same kind of nightmares she had been having. Or at least something similar. That's when it dawned on her. This is how Kaidan had the time to spend with her. He would go to bed with her each night, wake himself up and sneak down to the office and do his reports, and then sneak back into bed before the morning. How was he managing to keep up?

If she didn't already love him, she suspected that she would after finding this. Spencer never said a word about finding out about this. She knew it wouldn't change anything, and he would just feel bad for keeping it from her. But she knew this vacation was for him too. Even if he wouldn't admit it.


	2. Chapter 2

"All ready to go, babe?" Kaidan asked, picking up her bag as well as his.

"I think so. You-You know I can carry my own bag, right?"

"Can, yes. Be allowed to, no. What kind of gentlemen would I be if I let milady carry her own bag," he smirked.

"Oh how chivalrous of you," she cooed, only half patronizingly.

The pair hopping into a cab and headed down to the shuttle bay.

"Well, this is a first in a very, very long time. Commander Shepard is taking a public shuttle," Spencer was bemused as they walked through the shuttle bay, "who would have seen that coming?"

"Whoa now, who said anything about a public shuttle?" Kaidan asked, one eyebrow raised.

"It's not like we're going to have Joker fly is in the Normandy now is it?

Kaidan chuckled, "Close, but not quite. I pulled some strings."

He stopped in front of a Spectre shuttle, a familiar Spectre standing in front of it.

"Mirells? What are you doing here?" Spencer smiled, shaking the Salarian's hand.

"I'm here to take the two of you to his…your…destination."

"Kaidan, you didn't!" Was it really necessary to tie up a Spectre and his ship?"

"Necessary? For you, absolutely. Now get your cute little butt inside and let's go."

Mirells took the bags from Kaidan and headed inside the small ship to stow them. Well, that's not fair calling the ship small. It was only small when compared to the Normandy. Her ship. She hadn't actually been on a ship since her last time on the Normandy, and that didn't even really count.

_There Spencer stood, in the middle of her cabin. All of her model ships were in boxes, her fish in bowls waiting to be transferred to her tank at the apartment, her chess board in a box with her books and her laptop. It was the last few loads of getting her stuff off of the Normandy. She had done it. She had defeated the Reapers. It was time for rest now. The whole crew was on the ship, each doing the same thing. Collecting their effects, saying goodbye to one another. It was a bittersweet feeling. On the one hand the war was over and they could go back to whatever semblance of a normal life awaited them, but on the other they were parting ways. The ship had housed them for what felt like a life time. They weren't just a crew, they were family._

_Spencer sighed as she picked up her hamsters cage. The crew had grabbed the last of her boxes and now it was just her, standing alone in her empty room. She heard the familiar squeak from the cage, she took a deep breath and walked out of her cabin. Probably for the last time._

_She made her rounds, said her goodbyes and farwells to everyone. When she passed by the observation desk she could head Kaidan, Garrus, Joker and Vega talking. Playing poker. Some things never changed._

_She stopped off at the Med Bay to find Dr. Chakwas just finishing off her last box._

"_Got a sec, doc?" Spencer said, tapping on the door frame to announce her presence._

"_Oh, Commander. Of course. Is everything alright?"_

"_It occurred to me that I had a bottle of Serrice just sitting in my cabin. Yes it is a couple months early, but I figured what the hell, right?"_

_She grinned, "Hard to say no to an offer like that. Come, take a seat?"_

_And so she did. They sat in silence for the first half of the bottle. Unsure of what to say. Once they hit the second part of the bottle, they both realized that one of them should say something. Anything really._

"_It's been quite the ride, hasn't it?" Dr. Chakwas said, swirling the brandy in her glass._

"_That it has…Can you believe it's really over?"_

"_For now anyways. Until something else rises up."_

_Spencer sighed, "Well, that will be someone else's problem, not mine," She finished her glass._

"_You know they'll always call on you."_

_She nodded, "I know. But I'm done answering. Whatevers next, they can find someone else. I'm just tired. I'm done."_

"_Commander, I-I know it seems tough right now, but…"_

_Spencer stood up and walked towards the door._

"_The story of Commander Shepard ends here. It's Spencer Shepard's turn now."_

_With that she left the Med Bay. A saddened Dr. Chakwas finished her drink._

_Neither of them ever told anyone else about this conversation. Dr. Chakwas knew that it wasn't her story to tell, and Spencer…she wasn't ready to admit to anyone that she finally broke. That even though she destroyed the Reapers, they destroyed her, too._

_Spencer made her last stop, to Liara's office. It had served as the lair of the Shadowbroker for quite some time, but now it was time to find a new base of operations. She smiled when she found Tali helping to pack up the last of the terminals._

"_Shepard! Are you here to help?" Liara smiled as she put one of her screens into a box._

"_Oh, I doubt that. You know she loves to watch us do all the heavy lifting," Tali joked, popping up from behind some boxes._

_Spencer smirked, "Real cute, Tali. Just though I'd come by. I've had a trademark Shepard speech with everyone else, figured it was your turn."_

"_Ooooorrrrrr, you can skip it and we can pretend that nothing is changing," Tali said, hopping up to sit on the desk._

"_I'm with that. I could use a break anyways," Liara joined her on the desk._

"_You know, I don't want to lose touch with anyone. But I think you're the ones I don't want to lose the most," Spencer laughed, "you were my first female friends I've ever had. I mean, I've-"_

"_Hey, didn't we just say no speeches"_

_The three girls laughed._

"_Alright, alright. Oh hey, Liara. I was thinking, I know the Normandy is an Alliance ship, but to be honest it's my ship. And I think I'd feel a lot better if someone else took care of it. Think we could keep it at the new Shadowbroker lair?"_

"_I think that's a perfect place until we need it next time."_

"_Joker and Edi might argue that," Tali interjected._

"_Since we figured out how to separate Edi from the ship, I don't think they'll mind."_

_Spencer smiled, "I'm glad you think so. Well, I should get the little guy to his new home," she indicated her hamster, "I'll catch you guys later."_

"_See you soon, Commander," Tali smiled._

"_Please, you can call me Spencer now."_

"_No, we can't. Maybe just Shepard now though," Liara said._

"_Thanks Liara, at least it's a start."_

_She didn't have the heart to tell them that Liara wasn't holding onto the Normandy "until next time". Or, if she was, someone else would be commanding it. Spencer, with all her intelligence and speech skills, didn't know __**how**__ to tell them that she'd never step foot on a ship again. Though, to be fair, she didn't really know that either. But it was true._

"Shepard…Spence? You coming?"

She shook herself from her thoughts and found Kaidan standing in the doorway to the ship. He had his hand outstretched to her. Kaidan knew that she hadn't been on a ship for a while, but he didn't know that it was an active choice that she had made. Spencer took a deep breath, smiled, and grabbed her love's hand. With one strong motion he pulled her across the threshold and tight into his arms, and his lips. All it took was one kiss to assure her that she was alright. To help banish her fears, her worries and her anxiety.


	3. Chapter 3

So she was wrong. It wasn't forever that she'd stay off of ships. It was until today. It wasn't often that Spencer Shepard was wrong, it was even less often that she would admit when she was. Yet here she was, wrong twice in one day. Wrong about not stepping foot on another ship, and wrong that she wouldn't miss it. Her and Kaidan spent the trip in the observation deck, curled up on a couch watching the galaxy float by. Whoever would have guessed that Commander Spectre Shepard would still be awed by the sheer beauty of the universe around her.

"It's absolutely astounding isn't it, hon," Kaidan said, as if he could read her mind. By this point he practically could, who was she trying to kid.

Her only response was to curl in closer to Kaidan and smile. This is where she belonged now. Not on a warship. Right here, in his arms, appreciating a whole new view of the galaxy. For someone who didn't even understand the phrases "rest", "vacation", or "take it easy", she was doing exceedingly well.

_"Do you really think you'll be able to convince Shepard to agree to a mystery vacation? I see three things wrong with this plan," Garrus took a sip from his bottle of beer, "Shepard agreeing, convincing her on a mystery, and Shepard going on vacation"_

Kaidan also took a sip from his beer, finishing off his bottle. He indicated to the barkeep that he'd like another. The two men had taken to getting beers together frequently. They were both busy, Kaidan as a Spectr, and Garrus was doing freelance security and body guarding gigs. Or so he said, but Kaidan knew better. Archangel may be "dead", but his movement wasn't.

"You know you can call her Spencer now"

Garrus thought about that a minute, "No, I can't. I just managed to break the habit of referring to her as Commander"

"Either way, she'll end up agreeing. Even if I just take her while she's sleeping"

"Yeah, that she probably be plan A," Garrus laughed, finishing his beer.

"Well, what do you think?"

Spencer stood there. Eyes wide, mouth slightly ajar. Kaidan had talked about this place before, but to be standing here, after everything, to see it in person, was never something she thought she'd see. The pair were standing on a large balcony, twenty-two stories high, looking over the English Bay. Below, Spencer could see kids splashing in the ocean, men throwing footballs, people enjoying a beautiful sunny day. Spencer had been born and raised on space stations, she had never gotten to know this side of Earth. And it was beautiful. It made her feel human. The sun was beaming down on them, and without a suit in the way she could feel the warmth on her skin. Without a helmet covering her ears she could hear the sound of the waves crashing onto the shore, the wind rustling through the leaves, the sound of people laughing and talking. Without a breather mask on she could smell the water, the fresh air. It was a whole new experience for her.

"Kaidan…you talked about this place, but I never really realized…I never expected this," she felt his strong arms close around her waist, "I am so grateful that you brought me here. This is exactly what we needed. Thank you." She rested her head back on his chest, never taking her eyes away from the view splayed out in front of her.

Suddenly a thought his her head. With her eyes panicked she turned to face Kaidan, "Wait. Your…your parents aren't here, right? N-not that I don't want them to be or anything. It's just..well they…" They hated her. She tried to ignore it, but she wasn't what they wanted for their son.

"Spence, Spence!" He grabbed her by the shoulders, "calm down. They don't hate you like you think they do. But no, they're spending the week at the orchard. We have the place to ourselves."

She sighed with relief.

"You know, it's cute when you get all flustered," Kaidan smirked.

"Hm, yeah? I bet you can find a better way to get me flustered."

"You're right, but I think that you're confusing flustered with hot and bothered," Kaidan leaned down and kissed her.

"This is officially my favorite place in the universe. It's been decided."

Spencer cradled the phone in her ear as she curled into the patio couch. The stars had peeked out through the darkness, and the reflections in the water danced with each movement of the waves.

"Then what are you on the phone with me for? Shouldn't you be off doing something crazy romantic?" Tali laughed into the phone.

"Oh, do you mean like beers on a balcony over-looking the beach, under the stars?"

"Replace beers with wine, and replace overlooking the beach with sitting on the beach and you've really got something. Now back to the original question: why are you calling me?"

"I just wanted to check that you fed my fish and h-"

"And your hamster. I got it. Don't worry, have a good time. Now go!"

Spencer laughed, "Bye Tali."

"Perfect timing," Kaidan sat down next to her and handed a fresh beer over, "now can I have you all to myself?" He threw his arm over her shoulders.

"I wouldn't have it any other way. So, what's the plan? We have what, three days to live it up?"

"Well, tomorrow I was thinking we could head down to the historical part of downtown. Gastown has been around forever. There's a bunch of old buildings, it's down by the water – " Kaidan noticed her blank expression, "there's also a 200-something year old brew pub."

"Now **that** sounds like fun. What else?"

"The observatory is kind of cool"

"I think I know what space looks like," Spencer laughed.

"Trust me, it's a good time. Then there's the beach. And so many great restaurants. And the sea wall…"

She loved seeing him get as excited as he was right now. His eyes were shining brightly and he looked like a kid who had just gotten a puppy for Christmas. She hadn't seen joy on his face like that in a long time. Years of battle can do that to a person. Spencer was afraid that kind of joy was lost. She knew that this trip was for her, to help her unwind, but it wasn't until this moment that she really realized how much this trip was for Kaidan as well.

"What are you thinking about, hon?" Kaidan asked, leaning down and kissing her on the forehead.

"Nothing, absolutely nothing," she pulled the blanket up over her lap, "I love you."

Despite her best efforts, the war-weary Commander could not keep her eyes open. It was the first time in a long time that Spencer fell asleep without hassle. Kaidan couldn't bring himself to disturb her, and so this is where the pair slept, looking over English Bay, under the stars in the fresh Vancouver air.


	4. Chapter 4

In the morning, Spencer awoke to the sound of the birds on the waterfront and the world below them beginning to stir. She stretched up to realize that was she on the balcony alone. Confused she looked around, even peered through the French-style balcony doors, but she couldn't see her man anywhere. What she did notice, though, was a steaming cup of coffee in a mug that said 'Oh, Canada' with a note leaning against it, steam curling up from the mug, dancing in the morning air. The girl smiled and reached forward for both items that were left for her. The coffee tasted like heaven and the note simply read:

_S,_

Went to pick up some breakfast. Won't be gone long. Get your lazy butt up and ready, we have a big day ahead of us.

And good morning, Beautiful.

-K

A big day may have been a big of an understatement. Spencer had no idea that Kaidan was so into planning. After breakfast on the balcony, Kaidan took her to all of his favorite spots in the city. They went through historic Gastown, and spent far too much time at the brewpub, drinking beer made through the use of steam. Of course, there were much quicker ways to brew beer now, but the brewery wanted to keep up with the 200 year tradition. And damned if it wasn't the best beer she had ever had. The pair finished off their busy day with a visit to the observatory.

"Just trust me, the view this place gives you is totally different than anything you've ever seen," Kaidan explained to a very skeptical Spencer.

"I get how seeing the stars from Earth's surface is different, you can see millions of them at once. But using a telescope to look at them closer? Kaidan, I've flown past more of the ones we can see from here."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Less talking more looking. I swear you are the most stubborn person in the universe."

"Fine. You're just lucky that I'll do anything for a cute face," Spencer laughed as she brought her eye down to the eyepiece.

What she saw surprised her. She could see more stars than she thought possible. Glimpses of the galaxies outside of their own. She was pretty sure she spotted a planet or two as well. Traveling through space was a good way to make yourself feel small, but it's easy to forget how true that really is. Standing here, seeing the galaxy this way, reminded her of that first feeling. Even a jaded spacer like her could be reminded of how vast and brilliant the universe really was.

"Could you just imagine, hundreds of years ago? Before we knew what was beyond our galaxy, before we truly knew what was out there…"Could you imagine standing on this very spot, looking out into the darkness, trying to make sense of all you were seeing? It's astounding how far we've come, but could you imagine if we feel small, how small they felt? According to history people used to look up to the night sky and ask for...enlightenment. For help. They'd pray and wish. To know now, what's out there…" Kaidan trailed off.

Spencer tore herself away from the telescope after quite some time. To be honest, she lost track of how long she stood there. Wrong again. She had never seen space quite like that. She didn't want to give Kaidan the satisfaction of being right, but she was fairly certain that he already knew.

"Didja get lucky and see a shooting star?" Kaidan asked, grabbing Spencer's hand.

They had decided to walk home. It was a beautiful night out and Spencer wanted to see as much of Vancouver as she could.

"Hey, what is that!?" Spencer caught something out of the corner of her eye.


	5. Chapter 5

"Oh, uh, that. Yeah, I forgot about-"

"The fountain with a huge ass statue of you!?" Spencer ran across the street to the fountain.

The fountain was beautiful enough on its own. There were lights set under the water, changing colours sometimes all at once, sometimes in a mix of colours. While the colours changed the water danced, sometimes raising higher, sometimes falling low, but always moving coloured by the lights. And there, in the middle of the water spouts and light show was her man. She always joked that Kaidan was carved out of marble, but now here he was, literally carved out of marble. The large figure stood proudly on a two-tiered base, saluting in his regulation biotic armor. On the tier directly below where he stood was a plaque. Embossed on it was, in large letters, his name Major General Kaidan S. Alenko, surrounded by the Alliance symbol and the Spectre symbol. Below it, in smaller lettering it simply read "Our hometown hero"

Spencer turned and smacked Kaidan in the arm.

"Ow, what was that for!?" Kaidan exclaimed as he rubbed his newly sore spot.

"For not telling me about this! Kaidan, this is wonderful. I always knew you were chiseled from marble," she winked, "I'm just surprised they didn't have a grand unveiling or something."

Kaidan paused. He had long wrestling matches within his head often. He was never sure if he should tell her or not. On the one hand, he knew she'd want to see this, to congratulate him on it, she'd have been so proud. On the other hand, however, he knew when she knew the whole truth, regardless of what he said after, that she'd feel guilty. That was something he wanted to avoid at all costs. It looked like his hand had been forced now though. He couldn't lie to Spencer, he had much more respect for her than that.

He took a deep breath.

"They uh…they did."

"So not only did you not tell me, but you didn't even go to the unveiling? Kaidan, how come?" There was genuine concern in her voice.

"It was pretty soon after we defeated the Reapers. Seven, eight months after maybe…" He trailed off.

"Wha-" Spencer stopped.

It took a minute, but it clicked for her. That soon after the war ended meant on thing. Spencer was still hospitalized. He never left her side, not even to attend the unveiling of his own tribute. Now she understood why he didn't say a word about it to her. Kaidan knew her well enough to know that she would have forced him to go, even if it meant Garrus dragging him out of the hospital room. And he didn't want that to happen. She could feel her scars tingling as if responding to the guilt that was building up from the put of her stomach.

"Kaidan…it would have been just fine for you to-"

"No! I couldn't have left you there like that." His eyes flared a deep iridescent blue.

_"Her body has sustained more trauma than any human should be able to withstand, by at least tenfold. It really is a miracle that she's alive at all. Without the modifications Cerberus made to her vital structures, I doubt she'd had made it off the battle field at all."_

Kaidan heard every word the doctor said, but they wouldn't truly sink in until much later, when he was sitting alone next to her hospital bed. The irony was not lost on Kaidan that the one thing that saved the love of his life was the one entity he loathed the most. More than the collectors, more than Saren, even more than the Reapers. He had accepted long ago that Cerberus had brought her back. Back from the dead. Back to him. But now? To learn that they had saved her, even inadvertently, again? He wasn't sure how to cope with that.

It was a moment he'd never forget. It was carved in his brain, forever burned there. He remembered throwing piece upon piece of debris from her. He had been vaguely aware that the overuse of his biotics were causing a migraine, the only sensation he felt then was the blood that was rushing down from his nose. He didn't care. He had left her behind once before, he wasn't about to do it again. Once he had lifted the last piece off of her, Kaidan dashed to pick her up. Nestled in her hands tightly was a set of dog tags. Not her own, but Andersons. That's why she was out here in the first place, she had gone after him. He could remember how limp her body was. Her eyes were still wide open, lifelessly staring at him. Staring right through him. He tried to scream. To yell her name. To call for help. To let out some of the anguish that was building up inside. But no sound would come out. Kaidan just stood there, holding his whole world in his hands. She was gone. Again.

He wasn't about to leave her out here, though. Off in the distance he could see the Normandy and her crew, his friends, peering out into the destruction. They were waiting for him. Waiting for her. Waiting for movement of any kind. He began his trek back, slower than he would have liked, but he eventually made it. The crew didn't have to ask, his face must have read like a book. Kaidan sadly shook his head, looked around to all of the faces around him. It was hard to believe it was really over. One last time he brushed the hair out of her face and leaned down to kiss her goodbye. As he did so, he swore he felt her eyes twitch. Pulling away he was able to notice that, ever shallowly, she was breathing. She was able to close her eyes.

The rest was a bit of a blur, up until he was told that it was Cerberus that ultimately saved her life. He had left her alone on the SR1, he wasn't about to do it again. For seven months that hospital room was his home. He got to know the other patients of the ward, he was on a first name basis with the nurses, and when it came time to choose the flavour of pudding, he always got the first pick.

Even once Spencer awoke, exactly 92 days after she arrived, he refused to leave her side. The gang would come and visit to he could get some sleep, but that was as far as he was willing to stray.

He didn't know what he was more afraid of, her taking a turn for the worse while he wasn't there? Or Cerberus coming back to take what they saw as rightfully theirs. He didn't believe for a minute that Cerberus was truly gone. It would only be a matter of time until they made their move. And Kaidan Alenko would be waiting for them.

"Kaidan, calm down. It's okay."

He shook back to reality and to a very worried looking Spencer. It didn't take him long to notice the remnants of another migraine, blood trickling from his nose and his throbbing head began to taper off.

"I'm sorry, Spencer. Really. I just had something more important to deal with than some silly statue," he half-smirked, half-winced.

Spencer loosened the grip she had on Kaidan, convinced that he'd be able to hold himself up now. The rest of the walk back to the condo was silent. It was easier for him to recover that way. Tonight it was Kaidan's turn to fall asleep first, but at least they made it to the bed this time.

The following morning, Spencer awoke once again, alone. She frowned, she hated waking up alone, this was not the romantic mornings she had expected. Her frown was about to turn into a full on pout until the smell of bacon and maple syrup hit her nose, with a hint of dark roast coffee. Perfect. Spencer grabbed the nearest hoodie and wandered down to the kitchen. It was a total accident that it happened to be Kaidan's hoodie. She didn't love wearing it because it was over-sized and cozy. She didn't even notice that it smelled exactly like him. That's just silly.

"Mm, morning babe," Spencer cooed, lazily slipping her arms around Kaidan's waist from behind, resting her cheek on his back.

"Morning love, Ya know, you kind of ruined my plan. This was supposed to be breakfast in bed," Kaidan said, a twinge of disappointment in his voice.

"Awe, I'm sorry Kaidan. You know once I smell coffee I can't help myself," Spencer crossed the kitchen to pour herself a cup of coffee, "Besides, I don't think I'd want to eat in that bed. I know what we've done there" she said in her trademarked smartass tone.

Kaidan laughed. She loved to hear him laugh. He was still a little dozey, and she could hear it in his laugh.

Sipping her coffee she asked, "So, what's planned for today?"

"I figured since I planned yesterday you should have today. I do have dinner reservations at seven, but until that the day is entirely yours," Kaidan paused, "no Alliance military museum…"

Spencer sighed, "Fiiine. Hmm….you know what I've never actually done?"

"Wait, there's something that you, Commander Shepard, hasn't done?" Kaidan faked shock.

"I've never actually been in the ocean. Not an Earth ocean anyways"

"Well, I think that calls for a beach day, don't you?"

"I-I-I just meant like dipping my feet in or something"

"Oh no, you're going all the way in"

Kaidan stopped, "Hey, hey Spence. It's okay. Babe, you need to stop worrying about it. You know you're beautiful, don't you?

"…Everyone's going to stare…"


	6. Chapter 6

_Holding herself up by shifting her weight to her IV trolley, Spencer looked at herself in the mirror. It was the first time she had been up and moving since being brought to Huerta._

"_Now, Miss. Shepard. The important thing to take away from this is that you're alive. We did extensive work on you, but there was only so much-"_

"_Will it ever heal?"_

_The doctor sighed, "To some extent, yes. Chances are, however, that there will always be some level of scarring. We were able to smooth quite a lot of-"_

"_C-can I just have a minute? Please?"_

_The doctor nodded and left Spencer alone in the room. It wasn't that she was shallow, she wasn't concerned about her looks. Even if it did kind of look like a shark had chomped down on her mid-section. Kind of felt like it too. The scarring tan down from between her breasts, down through her navel, cut across to her right side and continued half way down her thigh. It certainly didn't make her feel beautiful, but that didn't really matter. What did matter was that every time she saw it, every time she looked at herself, it would remind her. Spencer clasped the second set of dog tags she had around her neck. She had plenty reminders in her life, but this scar was going to be the biggest one. The biggest reminder of her biggest failure. For everyone to see._

_Commander Shepard, who had been so brave through everything, who had always been so strong…finally broke. Collapsing to the floor in a mess of sobs and tears._

Kaidan remembered the day in the hospital vividly. When he had gotten the call that Spencer had been able to get out of bed finally, he came running. He had only been gone twenty, maybe thirty minutes tops, and he missed it. When he arrived he found her sobbing on the floor. He had known right then that she was upset about something more than how the scarring looked. He'd never say anything, though. She'd talk when she was ready. So today, before going to the beach he went along with it, pretending that it was simply a superficial issue.

"Spence. Babe," Kaidan placed his hand on one of her cheeks, "everyone will be staring at you. They are going to be in awe of your beauty, nothing else. And we are going to be having so much fun that you won't even have time to notice them anyways. Okay?"

Spencer nodded, "You're right, K. Let's go have fun."

She knew that Kaidan knew there was something she wasn't telling him. She could see it in his eyes. She'd tell him one day, but this was not that day. Today was the day that Spencer Shepard was going to put on a bikini and jump into the Pacific Ocean. They were going to throw a football, play beach volleyball and build sandcastles. And it was going to be a perfect day.

Spencer was mostly right, she did wear a bikini and they did do all those things. However, her first trip into the ocean did not go the way she expected. She had her back to Kaidan for all of one minute to smooth her blanket down on the sand when she felt Kaidan's strong arms close around her. He lifted her up and carried her towards the shoreline.

"No! Kaidan no! Stop!" She squeaked, trying to mask the giggling as she kicked her feet, trying to squirm free from the fireman carry he had her in.

Kaidan just laughed as he waded into the water. He had been waiting to do this since he decided this trip was going to happen. As soon as he had waded in deep enough he changed his grip and tossed the squealing commander into the water.

Spencer landed with a nice splash, coming up quickly and shaking her hair out of her face. If Kaidan hadn't have been so busy laughing he probably would have seen her coming, he probably could have braced himself. Spencer moved quickly, tackling Kaidan underwater too, laughing the whole way. He popped back up after a moment or two.

Breathlessly he muttered, "Should have seen that coming. Alright, we're even. But hey, look at you all in the ocean and stuff. How's it feel?"

"Really good. Mostly cold. But really good. Thanks, K"

She smiled before tackling him again. Forget being even.

The couple spent the day at the beach, being overall beach bums and enjoying the sun. It felt like a relief to be able to have a carefree, silly day. At close to four Kaidan suggested it was time to get ready for dinner.

"I thought the reservation was at seven?" Spencer said, setting the beach bag down on the kitchen counter.

"It is, but you'' be glad to have the extra time to get all of the sand out of…well everything. Believe me. Oh, by the way. I have a surprise for you?"

"Oo, a surprise?"

Kaidan pulled a gold colour credit card, "This is for you to go pick out any outfit you want to wear tonight."

"Any?"

Kaidan nodded, "And before you say it. I know you hate shopping, so I called around and found a place that would give you some sort of assistant to help you find a real stunner"

"Kaidan, I knew you were my Prince Charming, but even for you this is…You're amazing, you know that?"

He shrugged, "I know," he laughed, "now go, shower and…stuff. A cab will pick you up in 20 minutes. I'll see you after"

Kaidan was right, she hated shopping, and she found make-up to be a waste of time. Even so, sitting here having had her hair and make-up done professionally was surprisingly nice. Though she wasn't too sure about the next part.

"After the Major General called us and booked this appointment, I took the liberty of pulling a couple of racks of outfits I thought that you would find preferable and would suit the occasion. Are you ready to begin?" The small Asari sales rep smiled.

"I think so"

Spencer lost count of how many dressed she tried on. It was probably only eleven or so, but it was enough for her. She was about ready to pull the plug on the whole ordeal when one dress caught her eye. It was a good thing she fell in love with it upon putting it on, because she was out of time.

"Are you ready, Commander Shepard?"

"Please, I told you, you can call me Spencer"

"Spencer, then. Are you ready? I believe the Major General is downstairs waiting for you"


	7. Chapter 7

How cliché! She was about to do a slow dramatic walk down a spiral staircase, twinkle lights and all, to meet her date in the foyer. She took one final look in the mirror.

Starting at her shoes, an elegant pair of silver t-straps. How she was going to walk in stilettos all night she wasn't sure, but she was determined to find a way. Her dress, that she was surprised she loved as much as she did, was a two-toned cocktail dress. The top was white with a faux-rapped look and a rouched sweetheart neckline. The bottom half was a black sparkling pencil skirt with a small slit up the right side. The two portions met just above her natural waist with a jeweled belt. Her bright red hair was curled and tousled, pinned back on the one side in such a way that she felt like she look a little bit like a mermaid. Spencer had never felt more feminine than she did right now. She also felt rather beautiful. She wasn't entirely sure where she was going to keep her sidearm, but she was sure she'd figure it out.

Contented with the way she looked, Spencer smoothed out her dress, gave a thumbs up to the Asari girl that had helped her and headed towards the stairs.

Down below Kaidan looked up and saw Spencer. Upon seeing her, his jaw dropped just enough for her to see it from the top of the stairs. Another cute cliché. She wouldn't lie though, seeing Kaidan in a real suit, not his Alliance suit, was enough to stop her in her tracks as well.

When Spencer reached the bottom of the stairs, Kaidan was standing there, hand outstretched for hers. Upon clasping it, he pulled her into him tightly and kissed her deeply. Without any words, he opened the door for her and Spencer passed through. Before joining her, Kaidan cast a glance upwards to the staff of the boutique and nodded. A silent thank you, and then he took slipped through the doors.

Spencer had eaten all over the galaxy, mostly in bars or dives, the occasional food court, but mostly in the Normandy's mess hall. Imagine her surprise walking into a galaxy renowned restaurant, seeing famous people in most of the seats.

"Kaidan, how did you manage to get us in here? I feel vastly underdressed and wildly out of place," she whispered to the man whose arm was around her waist.

"I'm kind of a big deal around here, and you're kind of a big deal well, everywhere," Kaidan kissed her on the cheek, "and don't kid yourself, you look…perfect"

"Ah, Mr. Alenko! We have your table ready, right this way please!" The maître'd led them to a secluded table by a window overlooking the shore.

"This view is absolutely breathtaking" Spencer cooed, looking out across the water.

Kaidan agreed, but she didn't notice that he wasn't looking out the window. He couldn't take his eyes off of her.

The pair enjoyed their meal here, surrounded by candles and music and beauty. It was just before dessert came to their table that the sun began to set.

The sky turned different shades of red and orange, pink and purple, all while the sun slowly sank into the calm and gentle water below. The water, too, was stained with colour, moving and dancing as the day ended. Sunsets were something that most spaces never got to enjoy. Spencer had seen many a handful in her time, but this was the first time she wasn't in battle. She was able to just sit, breathe, and soak it all in.

"Tiramisu! My favorite" Spencer delighted as dessert was placed on the table in front of her.

"Really? Well, boyfriend points for me, because that was a lucky guess"

"Mascarpone cheese, coffee, chocolate and booze all together? Don't tell me that doesn't sound like heaven to you"

"That was my reasoning. So I thought it would be romantic to…share…a…piece…"

Spencer looked up from her fork full of heaven, wide-eyed, "share?"

Kaidan laughed, "I know you better than that. I just wanted to see the look on your face. No dessert for me, too much sweet gives me headaches. Of the regular kind at least."

And so Spencer happily ate her dessert, stopping once or twice to offer Kaidan a bite. She was only mildly relieved when he turned her down. It was the perfect end to a perfect dinner out.

"Where to next?" Spencer asked upon exiting the restaurant.

"That's completely up to you, my love"

"I just spent the last what, three or four hours in a beautiful restaurant overlooking and equally beautiful beach, with the man of my dreams. I'm pretty contented right now. But…I think I'd love to take a walk down the beach. See what it's like at night"

"You're wish is my command, love" Kaidan stretched his arm out for Spencer to take.

The pair declined the taxi that opened its doors for them and headed down to the beach they had been watching all night. Just before entering the sand, the couple paused to take the view in. It was the type of view Spencer was sure she'd never tire of.

"Well, we're here, what do you want to do now?"

Spencer thought a moment before her eyes lit up, "Here, hold these"

She leaned down against an old sign, rusted along the lettering on the larger wooden base. It read "Kitsalano Beach", the rest was illegible. She pried her shoes off of her feet and handed the pair to Kaidan.

"What on Earth are you-"

Spencer cut him off by doing a cartwheel into the sand. As she righted herself, ankle deep in cool sand, she smoothed her hair back down.

"Something I haven't done since I was a kid. I was taught on the station as a way to teach me balance. I was an awkward kid…might have fallen down a lot before then…"

Kaidan grabbed her hands and kissed her, "honey? You're still awkward"

She feigned offence, "Hey!"

The couple laughed as they began to walk along the shoreline, hand in hand, in the moonlight. There was a slight breeze, carrying the crisp smell of the night paired with the fresh ocean scent. The night was clear, showing even more stars than the previous two nights. Spencer found herself wondering if this is how normal people dated. If this was how normal people spent their time. She used to refer to that kind of life as boring, but being her life this felt…extraordinary. Once Kaidan and Spencer got to a spot where the streetlights didn't reach, they paused to take the scenery in again. Spencer once again found herself lost in the stars. Words could never express the excitement she felt upon seeing a shooting star. Her first ever shooting star. All those years in space on space stations, on the Normandy, on the Citadel, never once had she seen a shooting star. The logical side of her knew that it was just a small meteor burning in the atmosphere. But the romantic side of her knew it was a beautiful phenomenon.

"K! Did you see that!? Am I supposed to make a wish?" Spencer turned to face Kaidan.

Kaidan had this incredible grin on his face. She couldn't suss out what kind of smile it was though. She had never seen it before.

"Uh, K? You're staring. Is there something on my face?" She self-consciously placed her hand on her cheek.

Kaidan, still smirking clasped her hand in his and shook his head, "No, you look perfect."

He took a pause. Gazing into her emerald eyes he took a deep breath. He could do this.

"Spencer, do you have any idea how much I love you? I never told you this, but I had the biggest crush on you, long before I was ever assigned to the Normandy. I think I was enamoured with how established you were, in the ranks and as a biotic. Then I got to meet you, work with you, learn from you and I learned you were so much more than an Alliance biotic. You were strong, and honorable. You were confident and…perfect. I've been in love with you since the moment I met you. When I lost you the first time, it broke me. I almost lost you again I didn't know what I'd-" His voice was shaking.

"Kaidan, everything's fine now, I'm-"

"Spence, wait. Let me get this out. Before I lose my nerve"

"K, you're starting to scare me. What is it?"

He had practiced what he was going to say a million times over. He wanted to tell her that he never thought he'd ever find someone to love, let alone a woman like her. He wanted to tell her that his favorite part of the day was waking up and having her there in his arms. He wanted to tell her that his life before her was cold and empty. That she gave his life meaning. There was so much he wanted to say to her. Words could never even begin to describe what Spencer Shepard meant to him.

"Spence. I don't think the words even exist to tell you how much I love you. I think I could spend the rest of my life trying to explain exactly what you mean to me, and not ever come close. But I think I'd like to try. Starting now."

Kaidan dropped to one knee, fumbling with a small black ring box before getting it open and looked up at Spencer.

"Spencer Shepard, will you marry me?"


	8. Chapter 8

_You're actually going to do it? I thought you were just blowing smoke," Garrus said, holding the ring box in his hand._

_Kaidan laughed, "Well I wasn't. Open it, I want your opinion"_

_The ring was modest and simple. Just like Spencer. A white gold band with a single diamond set in the center. On either side of the diamond were smaller emeralds, the pairs shared birthstone. It wasn't over stated, it wasn't understated. It was perfectly Spencer._

"_It's perfect. She'll love it. When do you pop the question?"_

"_In a week. I'm taking her to my parent's condo in Vancouver. Figure I'll make it an entire romantic weekend rather than a single night"_

"_Just don't make too much of a fuss about it. She might punch you if you do" Garrus laughed._

"_Too true." He signalled the bartender for another beer._

"_Wow. I can't believe you two are going to be married. Are you thinking kids? Retiring as Spectres?"_

"_Whoa, whoa. She hasn't even said yes yet, Garrus, and you're already thinking kids and retirement?"_

"_Aren't you?"_

"Spencer Shepard, will you marry me?"

Spencer couldn't find her words. Her heart was pounding and there was a lump in her throat. At that moment she was vaguely aware that her eyes were watering. She tried to find her composure, tried to make a voice come out. A word, anything. Perhaps for the first time in her entire loud and outspoken life, Spencer was completely unable to speak. Kaidan was waiting with baited breath, visibly shaking, hoping she would say yes. She had to answer. She settled on a vigorous nod of her head, signalling to him that yes, of course she would marry him. A wide smile broke across Kaidan's face, his eyes lighting up brighter than she'd ever seen.

"Yes?"

Seeing his smile created on equal one on her face as she finally found her words, finally caught her breath.

"Yes! Of course the answer is yes!"

Kaidan jumped up from the sand and threw his arms tightly around her. He pulled back away to kiss her and in a mess of shaking and tears on both their parts he slipped the ring on her finger. A perfect fit.

They stood there like that, her hand rested in his, just staring into each other's eyes. Seemingly frozen in time, until Spencer couldn't take it anymore. She threw her arms around his neck and her lips crashed down on his.

He was taken by surprise, but returned the passion, placing his hands firmly on her hips and pulling her tight against his body. He could feel her urgency by the way she grabbed onto him. He felt the same urgency. A desire to be with her. To touch her. To feel her. He grabbed roughly onto her hips and pulled her closer still to his body. Their hips were tight against each other now, and she could feel him hardening against her. The feeling made her desire turn into a hunger as she felt herself getting wet. She nipped at his lip while her hands found their way down to the lapel of his jacket and she pushed it quickly down off of him. Spencer heard the jacket fall into the sand, all the while not breaking her lips connection with Kaidan's.

The rest of their clothing wasn't far behind. They couldn't wait, couldn't slow down. There was no time. This was more than wanting to be together, it was a need. A hunger. Once their clothes were appropriately strewn on the sand, Kaidan's hands roamed a little further down to deftly massage the small nub where her hunger was emanating from. Spencer felt her knees weakened, allowing a small moan to escape her lips. The desire drove her crazy. Wanting to return the favour of pleasure, she leaned in and let her tongue trace a path from behind his ear down to his collarbone. She traced the path back up by placing kisses and sucking on his skin gently. The sensation sent electricity down to his hardening member. In response, Kaidan slipped a finger inside of her folds, now unbearably wet with anticipation.

She couldn't wait anymore. The longing was too much, and they could be caught at any minute here on the beach. She used a quick burst of strength to push Kaidan down on the sand, landing herself straddled on top of him. He tried to push back, to get himself back on top, but Spencer wasn't ready to give up control so soon. Kaidan was a lot stronger than her, he could take control if he wanted to. She did what she could to keep control. Spencer began to glow a light blue as she used her biotics to hold him down. The sensation of her biotics on him was unexpected. It was a whole new experience and it was an indescribable feeling. He lost control; he wasn't able to think clearly. All he knew was he had to take over. His biotics over-powered Spencer's and with very little effort he was able to flip her over with an almost feral growl. Spencer moaned, her eyes looking deep into his, begging him to enter her. No words were needed, he couldn't wait any long either. He thrust his hardness into her as deep as he could go.

Both of them lost control. There was no taking their time. They couldn't bear to do so. Every deep thrust brought Spencer and Kaidan closer and closer to the peak of pleasure. The closer the couple got to climax, the less control they had. Every inch of Spencer's body began to tingle with pleasure causing her biotics to start to warm up. Spencer dug her nails deep into the flesh on his back leaving scratch marks curving from his shoulders. The mix of pain and pleasure caused Kaidan to tighten his grip on Spencer and to quicken his pace. She threw her head back exposing her neck for Kaidan to dance his tongue across and nibble gently. Spencer moaned, arching her back to feel even closer to Kaidan. Her hips moved in synchronization with his. The rapid pleasure was almost too much. Soon her entire system was flooded with ecstasy as she crashed over the edge. Her orgasm wracked her entire body and her biotics exploded bringing her pleasure she had never felt. The feeling of her writhing body below his paired with the tingle of her biotics brought Kaidan to climax as well. His body was over taken by a blue light that lifted the pair to a level of ecstasy previously unknown. He collapsed on top of Spencer. Physically spent, the both of them.

They couldn't stay in this position for long though. Suddenly they could see beams of lights combing the shoreline. They were close to being caught. They quickly and quietly snatched up their clothing and dashed off in the opposite direction, hoping to find a spot to hide. About thirty feet up from where they were was a small alcove under the bridge. They stopped here to hastily throw their clothing back on, giggling the whole time. The rest of time that it took for them to walk to the condo was shared between tender kisses and giggling.

Upon entering the condo Spencer immediately kicked off her shoes. She was quite proud she had made it this far through the night wearing them, but couldn't quite handle it anymore.

Kaidan pouted, "You looked so good in those though…"

Spencer laughed as she wrapped her arms around Kaidan's waist, "I'm sorry babe. My feet are screaming too much now. Can't you hear them?"

"Fiiiiine. You look perfect no matter what anyways."

"Oh. So you don't want me to go and slip into something more…comfortable? Maybe a little sheer…." She teased.

Kaidan raised his eyebrow, "I didn't know that was an option."

"Girls gotta have some surprises for her man. Head up to the bedroom."

Spencer strutted over to the main floor bathroom where she had stashed a lacey bag under the sink. She waited until she heard Kaidan walk up the stairs before pulling her outfit out from the bag. She had brought it as a surprise for the last night, but this seemed like a much better reason to wear something like this. She looked at herself in the mirror and was impressed. The sales girl was right, she did look pretty good in this. Something was missing though. Despite the pain her feet were feeling…she slipped the stilettos back on. Perfect.

As she reached the stairs she realized that there were candles set up on the stairs. On every single step leading up to the second floor. This must be how Kaidan spent his afternoon. She headed up the stairs to join her man.


End file.
